 Seeing the marsh again reminded me of so many childhood memories. Swimming across it in terror to grab a piece of straw from the opposite bank. It was supposed to be a ritual by the cross country team. The smell of the marsh only lingered for a couple hours, but the memories of me sinking slowly into the thick silt, clambering through god knows what surrounded by god knows what stayed with me long after. I remember walking across the mud with my grandma, me an overconfident tween getting his foot stuck in the mud and needing her to rescue me. Hours spent watching people go crabbing and having them explain to me the basics behind their traps. Watching the fireworks during the Fourth of July. Those 4 months where I was grounded and not allowed to play video games where I created a fort with my friends in the marshes. I walked by the area where my secret base was and just see a bunch of old reeds. But to my childhood mind those old reeds were the secret walls. That rotting driftwood my living room table. I walk through the marsh and it’s like all these childhood memories come back to me. It’s on one hand unsettling. Unsettling to remember the person I was, and think about how different of a person I am now. But that moment passes, and all I feel is nostalgia. Nostalgia for the way things were. A world without a pandemic. A world without responsibilities. A world that I had no understanding of, yet somehow could understood more. In some strange way I thank the current events for giving me the opportunity to walk through all of my old haunts. A chance for me to remember everything. Everything from before. A time long ago. I leave the marsh as the next generation comes through, screaming about wanting to jump into the water. I look at them, and see myself so many years ago. There’s so much I want to tell them. Enjoy what you have right now, before it feels like the world is trying to hurt you. Enjoy what you have. There’s so much I want to tell myself. So much I want to remind myself about before it happens. Enjoy what you have. But maybe...that’s just a part of life itself. To look back at your life. Not in regret, but in celebration and remembrance of where you started, where you journeyed, and where you ended up. As the wind picks up and the chill sets in, I can't help but smile. Enjoying what I had back then, and what I have now. And with that I turn back, looking towards home. So I leave the marsh. I leave, but never forget. - A 
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Hehe. Hey what's up everyone. So yeah, it's been approximately 8 months since my last post. And I think it's time to explain what exactly has been happening. Also by the way, this is the second time I'm writing this because the first time I did, I had the fortune of deleting every single thing I wrote. So two hours down the god damn drain. Ok frustration done. I'm sorry this just happened two minutes ago. Anyways.
Since I last checked in a lot has happened. After Prague, we traveled to the Poland. First we traveled through Auschwitz. Damn, what a stark reminder the place was about the mistakes from the past. The compound was like a ghost town, but I couldn't help but be reminded that the scars from its past were still noticeable within its walls. Definitely a chilling place. However, after that the city of Krakow wasn't too special. It was definitely a really nice city, but not too much else happened there. From Krakow we moved to Austria. First of all, what a beautiful city. I got to see my first opera there. Definitely a unique experience. The entire thing was in Italian too, so I was able to understand parts of it even without the huge English subtitles in the front. It was so amazing to get a glimpse into a show that had been running in the same way for hundreds of years. In the royally decorated room, I felt like someone reliving a moment from the past. Truly a unique experience. From there we moved into Venice. The sprawling streets held so many nooks and crannies with something amazing hidden in each one. Like at one point I stumbled upon a small bookstore owned by an old Italian gentlemen who only spoke in an Italian dialect. It was difficult to speak to him, but somehow he gave me directions to a live band. So cool. And the museums of Venice offered so much as well. I went to one museum where I got to see the journals of Leonardo Da Vinci. Unfortunately pictures weren't allowed, and the picture I tried to sneak of one of the pages was caught by a guard before it could focus. But still an awesome sight to see. After Venice we moved to the fabled city of Rome. Just a word of advice for all of you, never take the public transport in Rome. I kid you not, at one point I was trying to get to a concert hall that was 30 minutes away. It ended up taking an hour and a half. But when we ended up walking through the city it was quite nice. I've already been to Rome 3 times now, so there wasn't much I thought I wanted to see, however it was interesting too focus more on the beautiful pieces of art as I walked through the Vatican. From Rome, we want to Florence. Just saying, I have never been to a city as surrounded with history like Florence. It was like everywhere I looked I saw famous pieces, from Michelangelo's David to the Fountain of Neptune. And while the museums were wonderful, even better was the nightlife. From Karaoke bars where I screamed to a mix of American, Italian, and strangely enough German songs all night, to the many many food trucks that I went to with the most delictable food, Florence just had so much to offer. So much that I was able to experience. After Florence, on the way to Paris we stopped in a sleepy little ski village called Chamonix. There wasn't much to do in the village, but we hiked up a mountain which led to us capturing a gorgeous vista of the French landscape. And the day after, finally we were in the last city off ur trip, Paris. Honestly, I wasn't too impressed with Paris. Sure, the Louvre was probably the greatest art museum I visited on the trip, but apart from that I found the city very dirty. And I just would've left it at that had it not been for the last night in the city. I was sitting in the lobby of the hotel studying for our exams when I saw two people pushing each other outside. One of the people left while the other collapsed to the sidewalk. When I went outside to check up on him I saw him clutching his chest which was soaked in blood. The other guy had clearly stabbed him. I ran to the hotel staff and told them to call an ambulance. The part that really pissed me off though was how little other people cared about the man. I saw like 15 people just walk by without even a second glance. And the fact that the people of Paris could be so callous about a man in pain just didn't ring with me. Ultimately, I don't know what happened to that man. And ambulance came and took him, but we never learned what happened after that. But I hope he was ok after that incident. And following that, the travel portion of our trip was over and we began the journey to Oxford. I don't think a few paragraphs in this blog post would be justice enough for how amazing of an experience Oxford was for me, so I think I'll write about that in a separate post. Along with that, I also spent one weekend in Barcelona and one I Dublin, so those are all adventures I can write about later. But following my trip over the summer, it was time to come back to college. I entered last fall newly single, and definitely not in the best headspace. It was difficult for me to spend time focusing on myself. But this time period also gave me a determination to seek out different opportunities. It's what led to me deciding to join a professional fraternity. Still one of the best college decisions I ever made. It led to me having a much better grasp of my professional self, as well as a better understanding of who I was as a person. And not just that, the friends and connections I made simply spurred me on even more. In the fall I got my first internship, a position that I do have to give part of the credit to the professional organization for. I came into the New Year, 2020, filled with hope and a promise. A promise for new beginnings. For a new focus on making memories instead of regrets. And approaching the semester with that thought process, I began to enjoy everything so much more. What was life without living? I couldn't afford to get bogged down in worries, all I could do was experience as much as I possibly could. That mentality led to me making another fantastic college decision and getting a little. My little taught me more about myself than I could've ever imagined. It seems like everyday I continue to grow in unintended ways, and that honestly just feels like the gift of life to me. Having to focus on the development of someone else helped me gain more surety in the ways that I'd developed too. The fact that our relationship expanded beyond simply professional development is what ultimately helped me learn so much from her. She offered a unique outlook on life, one that continued, and indeed continues to surprise me everyday. So honestly, looking back at the semester so far, I can honestly say that my new outlook helped me enjoy it so much more. I feel like I soaked up as much as I could each day, rather than continue to drag everything out. However, that just brings me back to where I am currently. Because as I write this, it isn't from the slightly musty atmosphere of my apartment at school. It's from the plush couch of my living room back home. And the reason why I'm here and not still in school is because of the Covid-19 Virus. This pandemic has truly impacted every part of my life. It's led to my second year in college being cut short. So many experiences and moments just feel like an extended what if now, where deep in the recesses of my mind I think of what could have been. Rather than continue to grow everyday with my friends and my little, I feel moored at home. Even the once comforting home cooked food just feels like an addendum to jail and reminds me further and further of how trapped I am. It's been a rough time. And it's been very difficult for me not to fall back into the old patterns of thought, back into those feelings of despair. Because, despite everything that I learned from this semester, despite the promise to myself for new beginnings, being quarantined in my own home threatens to bring back all of those old feelings. It was the constant movement of college life and begins surrounded by a fast and dynamic group of people, that ultimately helped me develop myself. And I couldn't let myself lose that growth, despite no longer being surrounded by the very people that helped me. So how did I not forget? By keeping myself as busy as possible. I've spent the days constantly moving from activity to activity. From a 2 hour workout everyday, to constant FaceTimes with my roommates and friends, to movie nights with my family, to a steady stream of video games to play, and to reading as much as I possibly can. By keeping myself immersed in all of these activities, and focusing on keeping them varied, I've managed to keep myself from blending day to day. And somehow, I haven't gone insane so far. To anyone who could be reading this, I recommend doing the exact same thing. No matter how fun something might be, keep switching up your activities. You don't want to get caught up in a rut. And I know it's sometimes very difficult to not help but despair. Currently I'm looking at the possibility that my internship for the summer will be mobile. I could be at home for a long long time. I probably won't be seeing my friends from college for the next 5 months. Yet now, I refuse to despair. Because regardless of how our lives are right now, regardless of how terrible you might think it is, the fact is that it is still a life. We are all still alive, and we will all still be alive after this is all over. And next fall seems like such a bright spot for me right now. I look forward to whatever it might bring, because I feel like this experience will simply make us all more appreciative of the time we have. College is a time where so much growth happens. It seems like every single week I learn something new about myself. And losing that opportunity temporarily just makes the future so much sweeter. I don't want to regret the years where all of my friends were in the same place as me at the same time. Indeed, I refuse to regret it. So I want to come into the next semester living everyday with the people I love to the absolute fullest. While this semester helped me understand myself and what I love about myself so much more, I want next semester to help me enjoy with the people I love all around me. So hang tight everyone. We're currently living through one of the craziest historical times in the last few decades. It's going to be a time that people will be talking about for decades. But regardless of that, take no necessary risks. Don't go out unless you absolutely have to. Wash your hands frequently after a visit outside, and be sure to bring a mask and gloves. For the people going out to work everyday, take extra precautions. Continue washing your hands often, and please please ensure you won't get exposed as easily by covering yourself up as much as possible. We're all gonna get through this together, and when we do, the other side is going to be so wonderful. Being at home has also given me a lot of time to think, and I can't help but think about what the world will be like after this is all done. And I remain hopeful, so hopeful. So stay safe everyone. I don't want to guarantee that I'll be consistent with my posts from now on, but I can tell you that I have a lot of ideas about what I want to post about. So I don't plan on this being the last post for a while, but just in case it is, don't lose hope everyone, despite how tempting it might be. Don't let yourself be caught up in a rut. Read, read as much as you can. Especially be sure to read blogs, particularly blogs written by can impassioned individual. with a fresh writing style and a unique take on the world. If you're reading this right now, you're already on the right track. Just scroll down after this is finished. But seriously, make sure to also check the archives on the right. Just kidding, just kidding. The future is bright. I'll see you all soon - A |
AuthorI am just a guy in my 20s trying to find my way in life. I love to write short stories and also document the wonderful world around me! Be prepared for a lot of pictures! Archives
November 2022
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